Charles Gunn

What the...

Mon, 12 Jul 2004 18:36:50 GMT

Why does this always happen? The minute I sit down with the damn dial-up, I hear some kinda nonsense goin' down in the lobby. I think I better go take a look, see if they need me. Maybe I'll be lucky and I kan kill the mystical No-water-or-cable-or-gas demon that's attackin' us.

...

Oh sh... I gotta go. You ain't takin' our stuff!

Feel like Oliver Stone

Sat, 10 Jul 2004 13:26:55 GMT

You ever feel like there's some kinda freaky conspiracy against you? I mean, apart from all the other freaky conspiracies out to get us, which I really wish I didn't know were out there.

But this one is pissin' me off. Could you at least try to kill me? I can deal with wounds and dyin'. But not havin' any water is just low. And the gas? Man, are you even trying? Like any of us cooks, anyway.

THe water thing wouldn't be so bad, ('cuz there's always a way to get some showers, believe me) but they cut it off for Anne and hers, too. Without my broadband, I been spending more time helping out there. Now I been cutting back. Only so much air freshener and teenagers you can smell.

Whoever's doin' this? This is weak. I don't know what we did to you, but it musta been pretty lame to deserve being annoyed to death.

Speaking of, I got people makin' impatient noises behind me, so I gotta cut the bitching short.

I gotta go take some kids to the Y now. ~~And I think they get to sit in the bed.~~

No cable.

Fri, 09 Jul 2004 10:47:17 GMT

What. The hell.

I been havin' one of the best weeks in god knows how long. I got two places I can actually help a good cause under one roof, and I got a room right down the hall.

You know, somewhere good to be, with good people.

And I got a new game for my PS2. ~~And it definitely ain't Final Fantasy XI, I don't go in for that nerd stufff.~~ I been playin' some of that, you know, blow off some steam, kill some baddies in a place where the claws are just pixels. Good way to blow off steam, ~~and I'm actually useful there~~.

And then this.

Where's my damn cable? Oh, and, uh, the cable modem, too.

I can't go onl... watch the damn games!

I shouldn't complain, though, there's plenty to do. Anne always needs help with those kids, and I got plenty of help to give. But, man. Do you kinda miss the days when we actually saved the world? Now we gotta deal with, what, messed up spells and a bad cable company?

I am willing to take an axe to a cable company, though. I ain't above that.

London!

Sat, 26 Jun 2004 21:34:50 GMT

Yeah, yeah, I know. "Gunn, where you been?"

I been here, around, helpin' and fightin'. Anne and hers just moved in, so I been helping her out with that. Also, don't forget all the cleanup after that groty-ass demon a while back. And regular vamp patrol? Don't worry. I been busy.

But we just got a call from Andrew. Yeah, you know, watcher in training who came by a while ago. Well, looks like that group grabbed Lorne somewhere in England. Somethin' about him supposed to be killin' people?

Like hell. I didn't think we'd see him again so soon, but I'm glad. Not for the being captures, or the murder rap, but to see an old teammate. It's been a while, man.

Plus, goin' to Europe? Never been there. Hell, I barely been east of Vegas. Maybe this'll be good for all of us.

I hate magic

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 18:51:38 GMT

I really do. You know how often magic goes right? Exactly never. Far as I'm concerned, we can just leave it behind, stick to axes and crossbows. At least when those go wrong, worst that happens is you die.

But slingin' hate to all my friends? Damn.

Only thing I'm glad about is that when I got all angry, I just sat up in my room, thinkin' nasty thoughts about everyone. Especially me. Well, I guess that's only a little better, but it's somethin', right? Downside is I barely got down in time to throw an axe or two. I heard scufflin', and by the time I was out from under that whammy, the big and ugly was just about dead.

Oh, yeah, gotta thank Amy for that save. We coulda' all bit it if it wasn't for her.

//Firewall against everyone. EVERYONE.//

How the hell can I go look at everyone? All that stuff I said? All that ... brooding, yeah, I admit it, all that brooding. All of it was what I felt. Not just then, but now, too. I know I shouldn't, but I do. And it ain't them I hate.

I don't know what I'm gonna do. I know I gotta stick around, fight the good fight, but it's hard. I got nothin' to offer, and nothin' for myself. All I got is the Mission, and that's hard to find sometimes. I don't know. I just... damn.

//End it.//

Also, I gotta go apologize to Dennis. I was pretty rough with him, earlier. He didn't mean anything by it, he was just tryin' to help out. That matters.

Damn! What is the problem?

Sat, 12 Jun 2004 22:54:11 GMT

Seriously, y'all, what the hell is going on around here? I get back from killing demons and now I gotta deal with this. You wanna insult my shoes? My hair? Accuse of things I ain't even doing? Fine, we can play that. I don't need you people, either.

Yeah, I know what you think. I know what you been sayin' behind my back. Gunn lost it. He's just muscle. He's better off back in the streets.

You know what, maybe I am! Where's the mission here? All I see is bitching and sex and my Playsation 2 games all over the floor! I guess the dead can't put my things up, right? Dennis! You and I gotta have a talk about people's property. Then after that I think I'm gonna go kill somethin'.

Hopefully you people won't be in the way.

Dragged back in

Tue, 08 Jun 2004 17:37:34 GMT

Man. I didn't think it would go down like that.

I found the old gang, sure enough, but I didn't expect that. I should have, though. You know all them monsters and demons and vamps and other pus-faces we got mugged by a while ago? The ones Wolfram and Hart thought it would be fun to kill us with? Yeah, turns out pullin out an army that big is messy.

Even with trained-up military humans, you gonna have some stragglers and deserters, right? Well, even more with a bunch of folks straight outta hell. Those guys were knee-deep in demon goo when I got there. So, that's why it took me a little longer than I thought to come back. Had to kill all them demons.

I think it's cleared up, now, but we still gotta pay attention.

It really made me think, though. I mean, when I wasn't thinkin' about not bein' the next item on the menu for Gunblegrax the Pus demon. I actually think I missed that. You know, the fight, the uncertainty, the danger. I guess I ain't so different from four years ago, after all. I got a lot to take in, and I need to think. Plus, I'm about to pass out on the keyboard, so I guess I'm goin'.

Away

Thu, 03 Jun 2004 19:40:15 GMT

Damn, everything's all crazy around here. Not that demons-eatin' people and the apocalypse comon' crazy, though. It's the What-the-hell-are-we-gonna-do-now kinda crazy.

At least we got old friends around. Reminds me, I gotta help Dennis with that PS2. Bring my old library in, hope someone has fun with it.

Anyway, it's got me all to thinkin'. About us, about where we goin', and about where we been. That's why I decided to go check on the old gang, see what they up to. Don't wanna sound trite, but we all gotta get all Alex Haley sometimes, yo. I don't know how long I'll be out, but I'll let y'all know when I get back.

Don't need to stay long, just enough to remind me.

Didn't think it would be this way

Sun, 30 May 2004 15:01:15 GMT

//Firewalled against everyone but Angel, Cordy, Spike, and my ghost dog Dennis//

Now, I know y'all think I'm all tough and macho (Which I am, and you know it), but, damn, everyone's gotta do the emotional thing sometimes. Things just got too damn crazy for me not to wig a little, you know?

Nothin's worse than bein' a survivor. I know what they call it. Survivor's Guilt. People try to tell you it's okay, but it doesn't help. It ain't okay. Never gonna be okay. We all know it. All we can do is try to make it right for others.

Man, I sound like Angel. I guess I finally get him. It's not about gettin' the pardon from the governor. I've done something too bad to come back from. I'm sorry. I was ready to die back there. I wasn't fightin' for me. I was fightin' for the fight.

It's the mission. I get that now. More than ever, it's all about the mission. Comin' back to this place... back to old friends... it got to me. Hell, I even sat around for a couple days, tryin' to figure out if even belong here.

I don't know who, or what I am anymore, but I know I gotta stick to the mission. Ain't no way I'm rememberin' Fred and Wes by sittin' around and heting myself. I could do that on my feet just fine. So, point me in a direction. I'm ready to go. We got people to help, evils to slay.

We got the fight. Let's go.

//Firewall crumblin' down//

Well, that's one way of doing it

Thu, 27 May 2004 04:23:21 GMT

Fully realize that things goin' down the way they did kept yours truly from doin' the big dead to rights kinda thing ya'll were expectin' me to do. Still, woulda loved to work this out the old-fashioned, last stand on the battlefield sorta way, old hands facin' down unbeatable odds in a final...

Ah, hell, that woulda been tight like The Wild Bunch. Still, gotta give it up for the lack of ugly death.

Pickin' through the remains of it all... first time I've had to really look at the last week and what it's brought us. Finally got to go old school on those vamps. Did me a number, but who's alive and who's dust right now? Damn straight. Punkass bitches.

Still... Wes is gone. He and I had some sort of rift couple years back, can't even remember why. Probably over Fred, but who knows? Never really got it back again, and I'm sorry for that. He was a good man, and deserved better. Cordy says he don't even get Fred, not the real one, where he's gone... But at least we know he gone there. Say wassup to the J-man for me, homes.

Lorne ran off. Ain't comin' back. Never was one for the fight - we shoulda seen this comin' long ago. He took to Wolfram & Hart better than any of us, and it took everything from him. Hope he's findin' peace somewhere.

Suicide missions - somebody's gonna die. We got it like that. But I guess the PTB got it settled. We back doin' good deeds again - and we all have somethin' extra to atone for these days. It's good to see Cordy back again, even though she's, uh, dead still.

We got a second shot. Time to step up and prove we were worth it. This world ain't all it could be, but we do our best to make it better. That's what we do. We all heroes.

Can I get a hell yeah?

Sat, 22 May 2004 20:01:52 GMT

damn... where'd the alley go?

*wince* somebody get a medic up in here? settle for purple ray technology.

...

Thu, 20 May 2004 21:29:15 GMT

. . .

Thu, 20 May 2004 04:35:38 GMT

Come and get me you skanky-ass slime-spewin' motherfuckers! Every last one! Come get it!

10 minutes my ass. If it takes all damn year, then we goin' that long.

Bring it!

In

Thu, 13 May 2004 04:57:35 GMT

//Firewalled... you know who you are//
If it's a fight gonna be comin', if we goin' down to our last? I'll bring it. For Fred, for Alonna, for every helpless person we ain't helped this year for all of our fancy business suits and power lunches...

And for me. Fightin' till there ain't nothin' to fight. It's what I am. What I always been. And it's what they gonna see real soon.

I'm in.
//We Done//

Ain't That Hard, Yo

Thu, 06 May 2004 05:09:33 GMT

We got a demon boss-dude, right? We got a severed head to deliver back to LA from Rome. This ain't rocket science, bro. You go to Rome. You get the head. You come back. I understand the need to check up on old girlfriends. Hell, back in the day, I'd swing by for a little game of "How you been, girl?" if I was in the neighborhood, too, so I know how to play that.

But nearly botchin' the mission over that shit? That ain't right. I know you both think you got the love of a thousand years, but none of ya'll got it like Wes got it. He lost Fred. No thanks to certain parties. He ain't gettin' her back, 'less he can live with a freaky illusion.

Buffy's still alive. Angel. Spike. Get the hell over it. We have an apocalypse to stop now. Stop bonkin' heads and get down to the mission. And no, that don't mean appeasin' punk bitches like the Fell Brethren for a little extra overhead. Remember when we used to be champions?

Shit.

Back in Hell

Thu, 29 Apr 2004 06:18:23 GMT

Every day in our lives, we livin' lies. Wearin' masks. Bein' who we ain't, just a little, so we can get by. Most days, ain't that bad. Small price to pay to keep the company you want, front to the company you don't.

Trick is you gotta know it's a mask. You pretend you are what you show, and then problems start comin' up. Becomes a faith, religion. Something you hold onto when it's dark to make the world cough some sense up. You clingin' to a flimsy piece of nothin', and the prices you pay to keep holdin' on ain't worth it.

Might think I'm talkin' about the lawyer thing, or my time in suburbia... And I am. But it's got me thinkin' that I always tryin' to be somethin' I'm not, and it's always cost me my closest.

You don't see yourself makin' the same mistakes again until you pay the same way. You get your heart ripped out every night. Alanna was first. I got the mask of righteous fury in me, and they made me breathe her dust for it. But no problem - just add a twist of near-suicidal to all of it, and you got yourself a new mask. Worked okay till I watched some girl named Cordelia Chase risk her ass to save one I didn't see was worth the effort - my own. Things started to change there. Lost some of the mask, kept it real.

'course, W&H was watchin'. They always watchin'. And they saw. They saw the mask come off and said, my oh my - this boy's ready for a new one. And they hand it over. They prop my brain open with the jargon, the laws, the secret handshake to the Skull & Bones or whatever that secret whiteboy organization is at Yale, and I become the biggest hotshot to work for evil since Al Pacino (like in Scarface, not the Keanu movie). That mask was the easiest to wear, because it wasn't in my blood. It was in my brain, where they never gave me what was my due.

And then I lost Fred. I gave her up. Because the mask was so damn comfortable, and I stopped knowin' how to live any other way.

So I got shown. I got shown what the mask was. The Senior Partners' holdin' cell became the livin' proof of my mask. For all the comforts of wearin' it, I had to crack open my chest and dump out the contents every day.

Guess I'm back now. Ain't frontin' no more. Ditched the Armani for my old threads - ain't exactly lawyerly, but you do what you gotta to keep it real. And the real's all I got now.

But, uh, Wes, you sure you gonna be okay? I ain't seen you that jumpy since - Hell, I ain't seen anybody that jumpy since we first met . . . Fred. Damn.

Paradise

Tue, 27 Apr 2004 19:29:24 GMT

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. When I was out pickin' up my newspaper, what do I find but my son's skateboard out layin' out in the grass. How about that?

Gonna talk with him about it after I help him with his homework. He's learning about the different inner layers of the Earth. He's a smart kid, really knows his stuff.

Trish is great, like usual. I live such a perfect life...

I really hope we don't burn out any lightbulbs today.

Paradise

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 20:52:27 GMT

Paradise

Mon, 26 Apr 2004 00:30:45 GMT

Paradise

Sat, 24 Apr 2004 19:06:37 GMT

Paradise

Fri, 23 Apr 2004 21:24:54 GMT

Paradise

Thu, 22 Apr 2004 18:56:54 GMT

Paradise

Wed, 21 Apr 2004 18:27:27 GMT

Paradise

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 18:43:27 GMT

Paradise

Mon, 19 Apr 2004 17:50:47 GMT